where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
