M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
