Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
