what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
