What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
