everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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