Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
