I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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