Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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