how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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