life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
