He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
