im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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