I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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