I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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