I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
