I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
