My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
