I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
