You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
