How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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