Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
