i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
