My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize