i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize