i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
