I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
