Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
