I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
