You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
