worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
