I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
