"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
