She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
