Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would ride that face into the sunset
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
