i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
