fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
