My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
