I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
