I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
