you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
