I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
