he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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