I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
