forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
