just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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