Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
