1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
