Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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