that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I party with great urgency now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
