Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
