You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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