2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
