that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Success! We fucked roommates!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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