We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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