Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
