what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
That reminds me...we need to get swords
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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