i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
