thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
