I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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