I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize