Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
