Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
