I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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