i barfeds in our rink
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
