If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am naked and annoyed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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