I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
