no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize