Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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