When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
