there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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