I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
