i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
