this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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