Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
