normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Two words: nipple clamps
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