if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
